I'm anticipating that several trains are about to pull out of Thought Central (...get it? Like, trains of thought? Oh dear...What time is it again?! ;)) but today--Saturday--has been a pretty weird day. If you talked to me this morning at 9:30 I was in a happy sleepy mood, talk to me at 3 in the afternoon and I was feeling excited, talk to me at 8:15 this evening and I was totally ticked off after oversleeping by 4 HOURS and missing a performance I was stoked about (at 3pm today, haha!), and then talk to me now and I'm pretty much happy sleepy again. Whew, talk about full circle!
Tomorrow is the big dance recital day at Broadway Dance Center. It's so crazy to know that this dance season for those kids is coming to a close! With weekly classes going on since September, that's a lot of months of a lot of hard work put in by a lot of kids...I hope they all go out there tomorrow and have a total blast with the whole day! And then Monday comes and we hit the ground running full force yet again! My week off has come to and end it's time to get working!
I'm still considering "today" to be Saturday, June 16th because I haven't gone to sleep yet, so bear with me and don't jump ahead to Sunday yet every time I refer to "today," okay? Okay, good deal :)
As of today, I've been a college graduate for one month. Four weeks. Not very long, right? Right, so someone tell my brain that, please. It seems to think I've been out for ages and is starting to more frequently pose questions to me along the lines of, "Okay, what are you doing?" and "When are you going to be working?" and "How are you going to support yourself financially?" and "There are no auditions this week...Bummer. This whole dance thing is hard, huh?" Rude, right?! Someone tell my brain to knock it off and chill out for a sec because Lord knows I'm struggling a little with that at the moment! Hahaha! One month is not a very long time and as I've said before, it's been a productive month as of yet. Lots of dancing, lots of networking, lots of options being laid out on the table, so now is the time to start piecing it all together and moving forward from there. As I've also said, this process is one that I thoroughly enjoy so stressing out about the "what ifs" only takes away from fully throwing myself into the moments I've got right now. (And these are the moments that will solidify the "what ifs" down the road, so if I need answers right now, that in itself should be it, right?)
I get to thinking too much like this when I have too much idle time on my hands--I've had more thinking time over the last six days than I've really had consecutively in a few months-- and I guess for now I'm going to be more prone to this cluttered thinking having both feet firmly planted in transition time Limbo Land. (Geez, it's SUCH a weird place to be in! Haha! It's also super late at night right now so that's not helping much emotionally either ;)) I wrote out my loose game plan for the coming week though and am feeling good about it...Lots of dancing hours to get refocused and in the zone (regular ballet class is the thing that keeps my dance self sane and centered, physically and mentally), some rehearsing, room for auditioning, and a list of business things to take care of. Lots going on and thankful for it!
I apologize if it seems like I'm kind of just reiterating and rewording the same thoughts over and over, because I definitely feel like I am! As you may be able to gather, my general mood has shifted over to the nervous end of the happiness spectrum--I still love these days, but there's definitely a little more going on than just smiles and laughter and pirouettes-- so bear with me, as I think I've got to just get it all out so my brain can breathe and rest a little easier as I figure out how to keep the stress and the excitement (two intense emotional places) of it all on a somewhat balanced level and figure out how to maintain the excitement but in a calm fashion, and acknowledge the stressful aspects but not get sucked down by them.
STEP NUMBER ONE: Don't think too much. So I'm done thinking...NOW!
Quick list of Fa-Vor-Ite Things:
(Again, I hope you sung that to yourself...)
1. Lillies. New favorite flower.
2. Cocktail dresses. More specifically, champagne colored ones with draped backs. Like, this one actually, to be exact: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/pisarro-nights-drape-back-sequin-dress/3191297?origin=category&resultback=6012
3. The soundtrack to Rent. Jonathan Larson was a genius.
4. Taking time to do something to my hair. This is a rather new thing, as I used to hate everything about it, but now it's less of a chore and has become another nice little "personal time" thing.
5. Snapchat. In a nutshell, it's a great iPhone app where you take a photo of yourself (if you're my sister or myself, they're awfully unattractive photos...clearly the best kind) and you send it to a friend for a certain number of seconds. Once they open it they can only see it for that specified time frame and then it vanishes forever into the universe, never to be seen again. It always cracks me up!
6. Sandwiches.
I'm going to say this again, and it won't be the last time you hear it because it seems to be doing the trick through this piece of the adventure:
No matter what, I choose happiness.
(Short, simple, easy to remember in the middle of tourist-filled midtown or on a crowded train that just missed your stop. Gotta love conciseness!)
I hope everyone's having a wonderful weekend! And to all of you reading this right now, GET TO SLEEP! ;) Goodbye and goodnight!!
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